Sa 14th We sleep later than we had time for, and have not even finished packing when Anna calls after she has landed. We're going to pick her up and head to Princeton. Anna has taken this time off because it might be the only time she can get off for several months, and we're not sure how much longer Nikki's mom has. It's likely the last chance for Anna to see her alive. As we're getting ready, Nikki calls and lets us know that her mom has passed away. (Unfortunately, when "Always Ready for a Party" Phil answers the phone and it's Nikki, he says super-excitedly, "Hey, how's it goin'!") We get to O'Hare eventually, and drive to Princeton. We pick up food at Anna's place that her mom has made, and take it to Nikki's. Nikki's dad and brother (Alfie) are there, as are Missy and Joe, and Chrissy and Nathan. Missy and Joe leave shortly after we arrive, then the 8 of us hang out in the living room. Anna's mom comes with her friend Nancy as we are eating. The conversation is part sorrow and part fun with nostalgic memories mixed in with lots of jokes. Nikki then decides that this would be a good time to get her mom's stuff from the Nursing home in Henry. We caravan in 2 cars for the 30-minute drive. Nikki is very emotional and Christine stays in the car with her, while Phil and the rest go in and stand in the entryway waiting. We collect her mom's stuff and load up the cars. Then we have a group hug and mix up the passengers for a new combination on the way home.
We get back to Nikki's and decide to hit the town, so the seven of us go to the bowling alley. The bowling is full, but we sit at a table and talk and joke and have a fun time. It is realized that Nikki and Christine are wearing the same clothes. It's also the first time we've ever hung out with Alfie, and he is pretty fun and gets along with us well. Then we head to Pilot to get out of the smoke. Phil rides with Anna, Alfie and Chrissy. Since Alfie mentioned he likes Beavis and Butthead, Phil puts in the B&B "I got you babe" with Cher. We walk into Pilot singing "Dun-Dun, Dun-Dun" in their classic voices. [Strangely enough, this song soon becomes sentimental for Phil, and it is in his head many times throughout the emotional weekend.] At the Pilot, the guffaws continue, highlighted by the "UCA" discussion. Nikki explained to Nathan, "So when I'm with you guys, Chrissy has UCA." Nathan looks directly at Nikki and says, "You do too." Anna goes to her Mom, and the rest of us get back to Nikki's. Nikki breaks down after smelling her mom's coat, and there are several independent emotional conversations that last until after 2:30. When we finally go up to our room, we talk for awhile and then get ready for bed, so it's about 3:30 when we finally turn in.
Su 15th We go with Nikki and Anna to Victory in Bloomington-Normal. We get up at 7:15 to go to Anna's place to take showers and get ready. Anna's mom makes us omelets. Chrissy and Nathan leave, and we pick up Nik and Anna drives the whole way to B-N. As we're leaving Princeton, Phil sees the sign: MANLIUS 13. This becomes a running joke for the next two days. Tolu and Lisa are there at Victory. Pastor Ed has a great service, and while we're up in the front singing and praying, he mentions that Nikki's mom "went home yesterday." He said, "I know it's hard, but remember, every time you say Goodbye, someone else says Hello." Before then, Nikki had been troubled by the image of her mom after she had died, and was somewhat despondent for the secure feeling that her mom was OK, that she was with the Lord. After the service, she felt that her mom had somehow let her know that she was OK, and that she had told Nikki that she's not there anymore, that her body is not her. It was such a blessing for Nikki to have that reassurance.
After church, the 6 of us all pile into our car and go to Chevy's for lunch (Anna drives). Christine sits on Phil's lap. Lisa is notably non-talkative, giving one word answers to questions about her life. Tolu shares about how her visit home was nothing but "weddings, weddings, and MORE weddings, so I was pissed." Afterward, Phil "bodyboards" on C, N, and T in the backseat. We drop off Lisa, who parts by saying, "Nikki, I'm sorry about your loss. Let me know if there's anything I can do…But I can't do much since I don't have a car." We all decide to find the offensiveness hilarious. We drop off Tolu, then head to Jan's to talk for a bit. Then Christine drives and Anna and Phil sleep in the backseat (after Phil does his 15 minutes of studying). On the way, Christine turns on the radio and "Imagine" (the song Nikki's mom selected for her funeral) is playing. We drop Nikki off, then go to Anna's place and the two of us nap on Anna's bed until dinner. Nikki comes over, and we eat barbecue chicken. Then we head back to Nikki's and spend time there. Around midnight, the three of us head back to Anna's. We talk in her room for awhile before heading to bed. Christine's back is hurting, so she has trouble sleeping. Eventually we get to sleep.
M 16th Christine decides to sleep in to rest up. Phil eats breakfast, then heads over to Nikki's with Anna.
<< Nikki's friend Melanie is over, and we clean out Nikki's mom's room upstairs. There is a lot of stuff to go through, and we make several bags of trash and about a dozen bags for donations. We go to "The Closet" in 3 cars to donate the bags. While we're there, Nikki's dad thanks me for all the help and I give him a hug and he hugs back, holding on for a long time. Back at Nikki's, I give Alfie a hug too, and Nikki's dad another hug, and let them know I'll be back Wednesday for the service. Another big hug for Nikki, too. I've been giving her so many random hugs this weekend, saying "it's great to have an excuse to give you hugs." She says, "From now on, you don't need an excuse." >>
Phil and Anna come back to Anna's. Christine is up and studying for her Thursday midterm. Phil gets his stuff and Anna says goodbye to her mom and Christine. Phil gives Anna the keys, and she drives all the way to O'Hare. She's really improved dramatically. Phil says goodbye to Anna, and she's off to Colorado.
Tu 17th Christine does errands with Nikki and eats dinner with Nikki's UIC friends. Phil drives in, teaches, and drives back, immediately jumping on the computer and journaling these experiences. Then it's Sportsfest, then he runs to Borders to get the Imagine CD, then off to Princeton. We stay at Anna's without Anna there. Phil talks to Anna on the phone and has a long conversation, while Christine studies for her Thursday exam.
W 18th We get up early and get the food for the funeral dinner. We go to First Baptist, where Melanie is working the desk, and drop off the food. With some time to spare, we go get a card and then Wendy's for Christine. We see everyone at the visitation, and the funeral follows immediately (Jan does the funeral). It's a moving ceremony, especially the song Imagine. We then grab a smoothie for Christine at the health food store Nikki used to work, Austin Parker. We have lunch at First Baptist, all the Judson folks sitting at one big table. It's us and Jan, Mom G, Heather, Chrissy, Nathan, Jeanna, Rob, Tolu, Lisa, and Brian (Amber had to get back right after the funeral). Mom, Jan, Tolu, and Brian head back after a prolonged post-lunch milling around, and the rest of us head to the truck stop: Rob Christine Lisa Jeanna Nikki* Ray* (N's dad) *came after a few minutes Phil Heather Chrissy Nathan Alfie* After eating, we enjoy the outside weather by goofing around on the sidewalk for awhile. Jeanna and Rob leave, the rest of us go back to Nikki's, who really seems to want us all to stay and hang out (which is something we're good at). Christine is concerned about her test tomorrow, but she does amazingly well studying in the living room during the conversation. Heather and Lisa leave (Heather has class tonight), and Phil gives Heather some sponsorship money for their 30-hour famine coming up this weekend. The rest of us (except Nikki's Dad) go to Pizza Hut for dinner: Alfie Nathan Chrissy Phil Christine Nikki We talk up the beauties of ISU and Bloomington-Normal to Alfie, and Phil really enjoys the buffet. Chrissy asks him, "Do you eat in your sleep." Phil, who had been looking for an opportunity to use this crust-old-but-great joke, takes advantage. "Yeah, I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow; I woke up and my pillow was gone." In the parking lot, we say our goodbyes. Phil is touched by the emotional weekend.
<< As I'm giving Nikki the goodbye hug, I'm feeling such a sense of closeness to her, and thinking of how impressed I've been with her and how much I've gotten to know her even better this week, and how much I feel like I've grown this week. I have the instinct to kiss her on the cheek like I would a sister. But I repress the urge, since I don't have an actual sister and the feeling is unfamiliar to me in these circumstances, and I don't know if people would think it was weird. We stay embraced for a bit even after the hug, and I'm a bit awkward, saying, "It was a great time." Even though it sounds weird since it was a funeral (and may not have been phrased well), I really meant it. The greatness of what God can do with people in the cycle of life hit home a bit more to me this week than ever before, and I realized how necessary death is and what a blessing death can be. >>
Back to My Journal