Math Department Croquet Matches

Summer 2006

Game descriptions are from Phil's perspective. The amount of details are directionally proportional to the excitement of the game and even moreso to the amount of spare time Phil had shortly after the game. Photos are from 8/16.

Wednesday, June 21st Chris, Jing, and Roi beat Phil, Rosemary, and Luissette/Miao.

Wednesday, June 28th: Big Comeback Marcy, Tuan, Phil, and Christine beat Chris, Daniel, Dave, and Nick.

Wednesday, July 12th: Tuan's Hustle Jing, Roi, and Tuan beat Phil, Marcy, and Nick.
Marcy and I begin trading off on the 3rd ball. We start off with a huge lead, but then Marcy’s ball gets used and abused trying to get out of the turning stake wickets. Nick returns from racquetball and plays our third ball. Tuan (who was going for the middle wicket heading out at the same time I was going for it coming back) starts shooting amazingly well, and uses the bonus stroke buffet to actually become first poison! [He went through 12 wickets (including the turning stake) in the time I—all alone—went through 2.] It is nip and tuck at the finish, but we choke. Marcy misses the stake from point-blank range, and after getting sent, I shank one. I do get one more desperation shot from beyond the diagonal sidewalk and I hit it well, but it just rolls past Tuan’s ball by inches. Marcy also narrowly misses him, and Tuan then stakes out for the win. After the match, Jing, Roi, and I dissect it thoroughly in the office (“Croquet Tonight”). I realize that our team was way too conservative in the second half of the game, and we also had poor strategy down the stretch. All right, I’m hungry to play again now!

Tuesday, July 25th: Girls beat Boys Christine, Jing, and Luissette beat Phil, Dean, and Weitian.
Dean and I start off alternating on the black ball. We struggle for some reason on that ball, and then Wei Tan joins and plays it, already way behind everyone else. And it's his first time playing, ever, and he doesn't even get practice shots. The girls stay together well for much of the game. With our last ball so far back, I play mercilessly, wreaking havoc on the hot team, particularly around the turning stake. I have a lot of satisfying roquet-croquets, and then I get a few more as the first poison. I shoot inconsistently, though, and after I miss Christine's ball near the final stake, they kill me: Luissette sends me into the stake. Dean shoots very well but also has some chokes of his own, including our final shot, bouncing off the wicket instead of hitting Wei's ball from point-blank range. Still, our team never had much hope because of Wei's huge deficit and inexperience — he was only at the middle wicket on the way back when Jing staked out to end. Still, it was quite a fun game, and we kept talking about it all evening with Jing at the Sky game.

Wednesday, August 2nd: Double-Header
Guys Get Revenge Phil, Chris, Nick beat Jing, Luissette, Marcy.
It is the fourth or fifth straight day of brutally hot weather, and it's about 95° today. The first game is girls (hot, as usual: Jing, Luissette, Marcy) vs. guys (cool: me, Chris, Nick).
Marcy plays the yellow ball today because she has yellow croquet mallets on her "Hard Core Croquet Team" shirt. : )

The guys nearly slaughter, but the girls keep the game alive thanks to some miraculous shots by Luissette. She hits Marcy's ball from 30 feet away, and later avoids the slaughter by going out of her way in desperation to hit Nick's ball, sitting by the first wicket on the way back, poised to end it early. I have a couple of great roquet-croquets on Luissette, once sending her from the turning stake area to the vines by Burnham, and then as poison, sending her down the south sidewalk heading east along Burnham. In attempting to return from that send, she bounces it off a tree and her ball goes into the vines behind an air conditioner. Recovering from that shot, she goes past the south sidewalk, becoming the first player to get their ball in the SEL area. And she makes it memorable on her next turn, hitting it from there all the way over both sidewalks, onto the grass, into the center of the field near the drain and hitting Chris' ball! Definitely the shot of the day. It isn't enough, though, as the guys stay ahead and win easily, all three finishing before the girls even get a poison.

Playin' in the Rain Phil, Jing, Marcy beat Nick, Chris, Lisa.
We order Giordano's to the field, Luissette leaves, and Chris' girlfriend Lisa arrives for the second game. A storm is brewing, and we can hear thunder, see lightning, and feel occasional blasts of cooler air. I call Christine and she tells me it is storming in Forest Park. The second game is Hot: Me, Jing, and Marcy vs. Cool: Nick, Chris, and Lisa. I shoot terribly, but Marcy and Jing play well. Nick and Chris both become poison before anyone from our team, but it's only Lisa's second game ever, so she trails the whole time. In croquet, you're only as good as your worst ball, so people could see the handwriting on the wall when their team's worst ball is Lisa and our team's worst ball is me. It starts raining, and we keep playing for awhile. Jing becomes poison, and Marcy and I approach the finish area with Lisa still at the turning stake area. The rain picks up and I love it, especially after this heat wave we've had. Everyone else, though, runs for shelter between shots. As it is clear that the game was not in doubt, they decide to call it. The cool team concedes the game to us.

Wednesday, August 9th: Let's Play Two
Slaughter Jing, Nick, Chris, Phil beat Marcy, Daniel, Dave, Dean.
The first game is ridiculously lopsided, as Marcy and Jing are captains and Marcy happened to pick less experienced players. So Jing, Nick, Chris and I slaughter Marcy, Daniel, Dave St. John, and Dean. I'm our team's last ball, and all three teammates come over as "mini-poisons" to help me get through the clinching wicket for the official slaughter. After that game, Marcy, Daniel, and Dean leave. Jing recruits Liqing to play as our 6th. He's never played before, so of course he goes on my team so I can coach him. He takes a bunch of practice shots before the game starts, and he appears to be getting the hang of it pretty well.

The Miracle Shot Phil, Nick, Liqing beat Chris, Jing, Dave.
The second game is decidedly more competitive. In fact, it comes down to the wire so much that it's important for you, the reader, to know the order of play.

Color	Blue	Red	Black	Yellow	Green	Orange
Player	Phil	Chris	Nick	Jing	Liqing	Dave

I start the game shakily, rimming through the first wicket and then missing the second. Chris comes right through both, hits me and brings me with (of course) to the far next wicket. I recover, get through the second wicket and get repositioned perfectly in front of the third wicket, only to get hit and "brought with" again by Chris. So at this point I'm shooting well, but getting knocked around. I have a feeling it's going to be a good game. The pizza arrives, and we take a break and eat on the field. After the pizza, I set up in front of the third wicket with nobody around. I'm in dead last. My next turn, though, I get through and on the next shot hit Nick all the way across the field by the middle wicket! I use my two shots to set up and go through the middle wicket, hit another ball and get through the corner wicket, then go toward the turning area by Dave's ball, who is in the lead. So I went from worst to tied-for-first on one turn. Chris says that I "woke up."

The turning area is pretty eventful. Chris accidentally sends himself across the sidewalk, then doinks it back off the sidewalk trying to return to the field. I am the first one out of the turning area, and I bring Dave with me-giving him the distinction of being the first-ever ball to go down the stairs behind Burnham. (We place his ball generously on the sidewalk in front of the stairs.) Then on Liqing's very next turn, he gets through the turning area and brings Chris with him, landing Chris just two feet from me! That is the first time I've seen that: teammates bringing opponents with them in the same rotation, with the second teammate sending an opponent right by the first teammate for tailor made bonus strokes. It is perfect because I shoot before Chris, so I can use him.

Nick gets knocked around pretty bad as our team's third ball, and he brings up the rear for most of the second half. I shoot well and became first poison for the first time in awhile. Liqing plays with amazing consistency for a first-time player. Heck, amazing consistency for anybody. (Later we would decide he's the Rookie of the Year.) Chris is the next poison after me, with Liqing after him. Jing gets through, too, so it's a race between Nick and Dave.

As Nick is heading toward the middle wicket on the way back, Dave is heading home toward the finish area. I go back to help Nick and Liqing follows so we're all close. I hit Nick, use 2 shots to hit Liqing, and have a great setup shot to get near Dave just in front of the home wickets. I send Dave out across the sidewalk behind the bushes surrounding circle walkway with the dirt path down the middle. It has recently rained, so it's actually a mud path. Dave has to shoot parallel to the course to get out from behind the bushes. He overshoots his first shot, so his ball passes the opening and goes into the mud by the benches on the other side of the circle. I taunt, "Hey, is that the orange ball or the brown ball?"

Dave requests his teammates to come toward him so he can get bonus strokes, which annoys Jing and Chris. They start to get grumpy and argue. Chris tries to shut up the grumbling, but when they stop, I try to keep it going by immediately blurting angry clauses (like "But you did!" and "No come on!"). Amazingly, it works, as Jing—absorbed in her thoughts—responds to my tense voice inflections by yelling at Dave! [Looking back, it's pretty hilarious that that worked. We needed all the help we could get!]

Dave's adventures bought some time for Nick, who uses Liqing to get through the last wicket before heading to the finishing area. Unfortunately for us, Chris gets to Nick and sends him along the sidewalk on the north side of Burnham. Nick is able to get back quickly and the race between him and Dave is really apparent now. Liqing has an amazing turn shooting, hitting Nick, Chris, and Jing all in the same turn. Unfortunately, he shows that he's a rookie on his sending attempts, leaving the hot team mostly undamaged. However, Nick is able to get through the home wickets first, even sending Jing in the process. He goes for the stake, but just misses, as his ball ends up in the grass on the lip of the sidewalk. Liqing just misses me, and all 3 of us are surrounding the stake. Now it all comes down to this.

It's my turn. I'm maybe a foot from the stake, and Liqing is inches from me. Nick is a couple of feet back behind the stake. Dave still has to go through both wickets, and though he's not too far away from the first wicket, he doesn't have a very good angle. Chris is a few feet from Dave, and Jing is near the second wicket of the finishing area, having recovered from Nick's send. I know that Chris goes after me, but he reminds us that because of that send along Burnham, Nick is still dead to him. [In hindsight, I realize he volunteered that information a little too freely.] So I figure that Chris can't hit Nick on his next turn, and I think Nick can stake out from where he is. So I hit Liqing and send him into the stake, then hit myself into the stake. Bad strategy; I didn't know what Chris had up his sleeve.

Dave is alive to Chris. So Chris brilliantly hits Dave near the first home wicket and is able to position himself from there. He puts himself perfectly in front of the wicket aiming at Nick's ball. Of course, as poison he won't get any bonus strokes for going through the wicket, but he has 2 shots after hitting Dave, and he would clear himself on Nick by going through a wicket. He goes through the wicket and to within 3 inches of Nick's ball on his first shot, easily hitting Nick on the second shot. Gulp. Here Nick is about to get blasted away, they have each other and wickets for an all-you-can-eat bonus stroke buffet, and Liqing and I are out of the game. At this point, our best hope is that Chris will hit his toe and leave Nick in a good spot.

Nope. Nick goes into the thick of the bushes by the circle walkway. Chris then hits himself back toward Dave.

On Nick's turn, we pull back the vegetation so he can play it where it lies. He just barely gets out of the bushes, and his ball rolls along the curved sidewalk crack, stopping on the edge of the sidewalk, just next to the bushes by the mud of the circle walkway. He is over fifty feet from the stake. [I measure it later to be 59 of my feet.]

With myself and Liqing out, they get three turns in a row. Now I'm an optimistic guy, but let's face it—we're toast. Even if Nick can get back in good position, they can just use their bonus strokes and send him away again, repeating as necessary until they finish. And that's if Nick gets another turn, the way they are set up. Man, I really should have tried to hit Nick to send him into the stake on my last turn.

Jing has a bit of a tough shot aiming for Dave and misses. Dave is still out of position after getting hit by Chris. So he needs to go for Jing and he misses, landing about a foot away. Chris now has a decent though nontrivial shot on either of them, and he lines it up and goes right between them! Hmm, that's funny. Maybe the hot team missing their three shots in a row is a good sign. Still, now they are in snuggly close triangle, and there's no way they'll all miss next turn. So they will have to play defense on Nick, but of course they can do that ad nauseam.

Nick goes over to his ball. I stand at the stake and help him get it lined up. I'm thinking that it's important for him to get off the sidewalk and into the grass for a makeable setup. Then we'll just have to hope they miss him. He checks it and I tell him it looks good. [I had no idea how good.] He rares back and swings. It's kind of like a wedge shot; it jumps in the air right off his mallet and starts bouncing on the sidewalk. I'm thinking "good, it will get past the sidewalk." The angle appears to be right on, and I think "this looks really good." Then it seems to be heading just slightly to the right (from my vantage point), but then either the spin or the sidewalk slope bring it back to the left directly toward me. I think "Oh man, this is looking really, really good!" The ball rumbles toward the stake and hits it solidly. Oh my gosh! Game over! We win!! Nick and I both jump in the air (I've never seen him jump that high), and I run over to him for some celebratory hand slaps. If Liqing was from the U.S., we might have had a pile-on celebration. The hot team graciously congratulates us.

I have played over 100 games of croquet in my life, and I would have to say that is the greatest shot I've ever seen.

By the way, the very next week, the circle walkway is no more. It has been completely re-landscaped, with the concrete moved and bushes where the dirt (or mud) path had been. I propose putting a brass plaque right at the edge where Nick took his shot.

Wednesday, August 16th: The Game That Never Ends Jing, Christine, Phil, Troy/Sid beat Chris, Nick, Liqing/Amit, Dave/Daniel.

Jing, Christine, Troy Hernandez, and I (Cool) take on Chris, Liqing, Dave St. John, and Nick (Hot). This game proves to be eventful if not quite as competitive. With 4 on 4, each team has to have a little ball, which turns out to be Jing and Liqing. Chris shoots horribly at the beginning, and we get out to a big lead. With a good turn, Christine has an opportunity to put us in position for a slaughter. She can’t quite get out of the turning area though, leaving the door open for Nick to get out first and prevent the slaughter. Troy shoots well, but needs to leave at 4:00 as he had told us at the beginning, so we get Sid to take his place. It’s Sid’s last day in the western hemisphere for the foreseeable future, and he makes the most of it with some very aggressive offensive roquet-croquets. Jing often underestimates the distance her little ball will travel, and becomes the first player to hit their own ball down the stairs. Liqing really struggles with the little ball, and he brings up the rear in the second half. He takes a break to grab some Subway and Amitava takes over for him in his debut. Dave has to go, so Daniel comes in.

The game is characterized by aggressive defense. Several players spend a lot of time on the periphery of the field. I send Chris to the circle with new landscaping where the dirt walkway was last week. From there, he cracks it off the sidewalk edge sideways toward the SEO entrance, nearly hitting a passing biker on its way. Jing gets sent a couple of times into the dirt under the second floor and struggles to recover. I send Daniel to the SEL area, and send Liqing/Amit twice past the sidewalk toward the main lawn. The second time, it was well on its way to going past the second sidewalk, but hit the stupid lightpole there. Darn! I really nailed my sends today, but it seemed like so many times the other ball bounced off something to prevent ridiculous distances.

As for the progression of the game, Sid, Christine, and I all become poison before anyone from the other team. We just need Jing to get through the home wickets, but Nick has an amazing turn that starts to create a little bit of doubt about how we’re going to finish this thing. He becomes poison, sends Jing away, and ends Christine’s game by sending her into the stake. From there, the hot team does an amazing job of keeping the game going. As we thought he would, Chris starts shooting much better, including hitting Sid from seemingly halfway across the field. Chris and Daniel become poison, and keep Jing at bay for a long time while allowing time for Liqing to advance. It is very slow going, as both teams are basically just playing defense, with only Jing and Liqing actually trying to advance. The offense struggles, but the defense is highly effective. Jing gets through the wickets but gets sent away again, this time into the sprinklers by the library. It starts to call into question whether a team could continue a game indefinitely. We get Sid staked out. I have a chance to possibly stake out both myself and Jing, but I choke and come up short from hitting her ball. (It seemed like everyone played much better defense than offense all day.) Finally, after 4 1/2 hours, Chris wants to go home and eat. He benevolently stakes out Jing, then himself, and on my next turn I end it.

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